Change begins with me

She draws a deep breath as she walks down the familiar path, the night warm and the atmosphere bustling. Her mind goes down a different path, one which she has been avoiding for a while now. She has gone through this cycle before, one of anger and hatred. And she is annoyed that she is here again.

A few months ago, her life fell apart. She had felt angry but she put that feeling aside, became numb and did what she had to do. And it worked. She was efficient, she made the right decisions and started to build a life again for her and her kids. She went through a wave of relief and many mistook that for happiness but she was just grateful that she had got out of a horrible situation.

But she forgot that she had chosen not to feel and never let herself get closure. And today as she lets herself feel, it comes flooding back. Good to feel again, but now, she knows that she needs to manage those feelings before they engulf her and take over the control that she has gotten used to. She does not like what anger does to her, she does not like how it makes her behave with others, and essentially how it makes her feel. Unhappy. She tells her kids, when they misbehave, they can choose to sulk and remain unhappy for the rest of the day OR choose to be happy with what they do have and have a good day. Its time she took her own advice. Move on and make a conscious effort to be happy and not let anger and hatred take over. And for that she realises, she has to do the most difficult task yet, to forgive and let go.

Acknowledgement and knowing what to do is the first step, she tells herself. Now its time to put it into practice. Happiness is free, and it lies in the choices that we make every day.